My Clover baby is gone

Question:
 I remember when I brought her home eleven years ago. She was so small and shy. I would rock her and sing to her for hours. My sister and I had just got out of high school and we each got a dog. My parents were going through a divorce and Clover (and Crimson- my sister wasn't ready for the responsobility) would be my only stability. Every decision I have made in my life has been directly related to my girls. Clover was the light of my life. I feel so lost and an unbearable pain. I don't know what happened-she was fine a couple months ago. In the end of August she was vey weak and had black stools. I took her to the vet and was sent to a specialist. She stayed in the ICU for a week and was diagnosed with serious diseases, but the vet thought that they would be manageble. She has been in and out of the hospital. For the first month everything was going so well- I thought she was going to make it. But, then she developed liver disease from the medicine to treat her other diseases. I made the decision to let her go, because she was not getting over the liver disease. The doctor said if she was going to get over it she would be improving, but now I think that I should have waited longer. I just didn't want her to suffer. I just wanted her to live so bad. After I made the decision she seemed like she was getting better. I know that I can't go back and change the decision. Right before she was put to sleep her head was up and bobbing. She looked so enegetic and happy. We were feeding her chocolate. She loved it. My mom and boyfriend are comfortable with the decision, but I am having a difficult time dealing with the pain. My boyfriend told me we need to keep busy so we can get over this as quckly as possible. I felt like crying when he said that. I told him that he cannot compare the pain he feels for Clover to mine, but he said that he can because he love Clover as much as I did. I have been living with him for a year and a half- Am i expecting too much that he would recognize this may be more difficult for me? I was the one responsible for her for the last 11 years. I feel like I am falling apart.
Answer:
 no ones love for your baby can compare to the bond that you had with her.no one can understand the pain or loss you feel right now.maybe your boyfriend is just trying in some way to let you know you are not alone.you raised her from a pup,and she raised you from a young lady,it will be hard and you need the support and understanding of the people in your life.maybe if you explained to your boyfriend how sad you would be if he lost one of his family you would never feel the extreme pain he would after an entire life with them.i had my boy kyena for 16yrs,he was 6wks and i was 20.....none of the people who loved him or me could possibly share the same amount of pain i have,they feel the loss but what they lost is not comparable.when ky died he died on his own,right before it happened i thought he was getting better,he tried to get up a couple times and after 11hrs he finally seemed to be alert and relaxing.he died 5minlater.i knew a lady once who had cancer....she looked absolutely radiant on the day she died.try not to add to the pain you feel by punishing yourself with second guesses,you did the right thing,the fair thing,the selfless,unselfish thing.you took away her pain and gave her peace.now you need to give yourself peace,and those around you need to allow that proccess to happen anyway you need it to.take care of your self any way you need.that is what she would want for her mom.kyena's mom
Answer:
 thank-you so much for your thoughts i hope you feel a little better