i long to hold her one more time... there was no reason for her to go.

Question:
 I to lost my little Papillon, Cassie Sue on September 10, and i can't stop crying every single day. she was almost 10 and when me, her and her litter mate sister went to sleep she was fine and we all said good night and snuggled and i woke up in the morning and didn't see her and i called for her and then thought she went out side thru the dog door to go potty and opened the door and couldn't see her and then i started to scream because i knew something was wrong. i went to the other side of the bed and she was laying on the floor with her little head on a pillow my mother had made before she passed away. and she was so still and looked so peaceful but she must have died hours before because i couldn't even close her eye. i just wrapped her up in a blanket and rocked her and cried and cried and screamed and screamed. i didn't know what to do and being alone was worse. i waited for the vet office opened and took her in. my friend from work called them and told them i was coming in with her to be cremated because i couldn't talk when i handed her over i thought i was going to die, my stomach hurt so bad and longed for her to give me one last hug-a-bug. when ever i said hug-a-bug when i held her she would lay, sometimes just flop her little head on my shoulder and snuggle up to me. the vet's office never has asked me what happened. she had been having seizures for almost a year but i had them under control for a long time. i don't think she had one that night because her fur under her chin was not wet. she was the most loving and loyal dog i have ever had. She was everything to me, followed me everywhere. her sissy misses her to. they never played with any toys or any other dog, just each other. she has nothing to do any more. i take her every where i can but to work. she is not a snuggler. she loves to be held but not close and doesn't like to be by your face unless she can lick it. she is my most lickingest dog ever. we both ache for cassie sue, aka: my little angel pie, casserole, and cleopatra, we loved her more than anything. I, too, talk to her all the time just incase she is around in spirit. her ashes sit in my living room in a pretty box with a rose i was given at the time, lies on top. she will be buried with me when i go.. her sissy Soxie Sue will be put in the same box so they can be together forever when its time and then rest with me. my family knows this. how long does one ache for them?
Answer:
 i just wanted to say i am so sorry you lost your little girl.my boy kyena has been gone for almost 10wks and the pain is just as strong as the 1st day.i don't believe it ever goes away we just find different ways to live with it and make it more manageable.it has been 6yrs since my grama lost my grampa and she still longs for him to just be in the same room with her.i think the loss of any form of love will always weigh heavy on our hearts we just get used to the weight.i think that you are going to be buried with your girls is beautiful and touching the sweetest thing.you will find the path that you need to follow to create a balance between keeping her memory alive and strong and allowing the pain to take a back seat in your everyday life.don't try to force yourself to feel anything or do anything your not ready for.and remember she is still snuggled into your shoulder close to your heart.kyena's mom,calavino
Answer:
 hi,i'm glad it helped even a little bit.i think this is perhaps my healing process i've always been more interested in helping other people.you know the i'll give away my last dollar when there's no food in my house kinda girl.kyena,i always let him be there for me but i was there for everyone else before i was there for myself.he gave me a wonderful life and it will never be the same.i always hated to go to work or anywhere really without him always took him or rushed home if i couldn't.my boy was older than your girl but even his vet thought he had at least 2 more years he was so healthy.you're right about the not expecting it making it harder but at least they didn't suffer.take good care of your other baby and let her take care of you.kyena's mom