My BABY Died Friday...I am DEVASTATED!!!!!

Question:
 I am SO PROFOUNDLY SAD and can barely function. I lost my beloved BUTU Friday, March 23. He got hit by a car and IF only I hadn't let him out, he would be here next to me. He was only 2 years and 4 months old, and he was the LOVE of MY LIFE. I can't explain the WAY I loved him....it's different than my Coco kitty that misses him too. I don't live on a road, but the road is several hundred yards from my condo. It NEVER even occured to me that he would even go near the street. I am devastated and still in shock. My neighbor was helping me look for him that afternoon, as I was calling & calling to him from 5am in the morning until 4pm when we found out where he was. I believe he was TRYING to come to me, heard me calling and ran across that busy street. I walked right by where he was lying several times calling him, and didn't even KNOW it, BUT it was a blessing that I didn't find him, because I am sure I would've ended up in the hospital because I would've collapsed or even had a heart attack from the shock. My dear neighbors wrapped his little body in a blanket and took him to my Vet to have him cremated. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. My HEART just aches and I cry and cry and cry. He was SOOOO special and SO loving and gentle. He followed me everywhere...in the house, in the yard...and if I was going on a walk, I would have to put him inside, because he would follow me right onto the road. He was a free spirit and very curious, and perhaps that is what took him from me. I know I will NEVER get over losing my Baby. He was BEYOND SPECIAL. He was sent to me, as a blessing from God. I do NOT understand WHY he was taken away. I have had 6 siamese cats named BooBoo, and BUTU was named after my beloved BooBoo(as in Boo-2) as he died in Sept of 2005 of hepatitis. In November I got my beautiful Butu, and when this lady handed him to me, he was so relaxed lying in my arms, I fell deeply in love with this precious boy. This cat was FEARLESS...and would jump on my car to greet me when I drove in my carport. He was relentless when he wanted out, and I didn't want him out, especially at night, but Thursday night, he was meowing SO loud and SO insistant, and I was so tired and had to get up early, so I let BOTH cats out. In the morning, Coco was sitting on her little blanket, but NO Butu, and I KNEW something was wrong. How do you get over the hurt in your heart, and go about your life?? I can barely eat or sleep, and I am NUMB....STILL in disbelief. I cry out to GOD....WHY DID YOU TAKE MY BABY???? I just feel SICK, but I know my Coco NEEDS me, and when I'm crying/sobbing, she will come over and put her paw on me, so I KNOW she knows Butu is gone. He was her companion and friend too. I know she misses him and is always looking outside, like me, waiting for him to come running from across the way, jumping up on the rockery, or hearing his distinctive bell when he's coming around the corner. I will tell you this though...My Butu knew ONLY LOVE. He brought to my life SO much joy and laughter. He will be in my heart, soul and thoughts till the day I die and I see him and my other precious kitties that have passed. Thanks to ALL who read this. It was lengthy.
Answer:
 i am so sad to hear of your loss and i think it was a blessing that you didnt find him, it would have broken your heart even more. dont forget coco, she needs your cuddles even more now so be strong for her, talk to her about butu it will help the both of you. i lost my beloved cat 2 years ago and he was only a year and a half, he was found in a neighbours garden i still have no idea why or how he died and i still miss him so i can sympathise with how you are feeling, i know everyone will say that time heals and you probably think, yea right, but it is true, after a while you can begin to remember them without it hurting so much. i carry a picture of him in my purse so he is always near to me and i planted a bleeding heart bush over his grave. i now have a female who is coming up to the age my last cat was and it is a very worrying time, if she dosen't come when i call her i make the rest of the family go out on a hunt.... she usually turns up and looks as if to say whats all the fuss about!! take one day at a time and the pain will ease.
Answer:
 Munchie.....Thank you for your kind words. It is exactly one week since my baby went to Heaven. I have had a tough time, and Coco too. Today was the first day I was somewhat functional. I still cry, and Coco is very needy, always wanting my attention, so I really need to find a companion for her. Nothing could even come close or hold a candle to my Butu. I am so sorry about your kitty. You must've been devasted! Did you get another cat? Sometimes that does help take the pain away a bit. So I am looking for a kitty. I had the Aussie Pet Mobile come to my home today and give Coco a bath & spa treatment. She has never had a bath, and was SOOOOO well behaved. She is a sweetheart, and so gentle. I don't have a tub....just a walk in shower, so I don't know how I could give her a bath, but i wipe her fur down frequently. Thanks again for responding and taking the time to write. Take care~Lynda